This is an open letter to everyone who will be reading this, which is, to no one in particular.
We all have different interpretations of the word ‘Love’ and we all tend to find a sentence to explain it or a paragraph or a song or anything. Your first love will turn the term ‘love’ into their name for a while and you may defend yourself by telling me how what I said just now is bullshit. To that I say, this is how I see love.
My first love was not the man who said he loves me before any other man did and my first love may not be the one who takes me to bed as we make poetry with our bodies. My first love is not the woman who was with me and yet not and she is not the woman who made me think of women as a romantic prospect for the first time. My first love is not the Beatles or Mohiner Ghoraguli and my first love is not food or a place I visited that changed me.
My first love is unrequited and a human being that made me understand what love really is – a little. I was made to understand that Love is barely ever reciprocated and that you have to work hard to keep it, build it, nurture it and let it stay. When in love, one cannot walk the whole damn stretch of the road on his or her own, you walk halfway and meet the other person somewhere in the middle of the path you’re walking and then if you guys decide that you really cannot let go of one another, you begin a slow walk around a park called life – together.
Love can never be defined by the name of the one who woke you up to the pain love comes coupled with. Love can not be defined by the heaps of compromises and sacrifices you’ve made to keep the lifeboat called love afloat this sea called life. Love cannot be measured by how much you’re willing to do to tolerate the other person. Love is not about tolerance. Your first love will teach you that love happens as many times as you’re ready to risk a heartbreak. Be brave and try and hold someone’s hand when they reach out for yours.
The 21st century romance is a complicated creature with way too many devices to speed up the process whereas love takes years to build and cement itself as a permanent branch on the tree and not just a seasonal flower. My first love taught me that the honesty and the hard work you’re willing to invest for your unrequited, is pointless, because they do not see you similarly. Pursuing them for the entire length of your life will not make them reciprocate if they don’t see you and want to love you.
My first love also taught me that no matter how much love another soul has to offer, you won’t be able to love them back unless it comes from within. The stronger the love offered, the more the resistance from your consciousness – unless you fall too.
So when someone asks me if I know what love is, I say I know a little. One can never know every page of the book named love, but one can never live without reading a few pages.
But its not a book I wish to never finish reading!